I speak from experience. 27/03/17 - 11:12. in Advice. the last several years as soon as my husband She has had bouts since then but exercising has helped her even though she is off the antidepressants. Everyone is content except me. No one is perfect and you can want greatness for your spouse but until they want it for themselves you might as well save yourself the heartache. People can promise you shit until they're blue in the face. I would go by myself and we would go tother as a couple. Again, this will need proof to say that he is having an affair. And this is after I tanked my career (12 yrs military) for her and in a transition period to hopefully provide a more stable home life (was gone a lot, mostly short trips here and there). Let him know that you will offer your assistance but the days of carrying the full burden are coming to an end- you will help him, but he also has to help himself and show you that he is as committed to saving the marriage as you are. I want to stay loyal and work at this. On … If these episodes are occurring more than five times an hour then OSA is a likely cause. I’m going to have to be blunt on this one because I don’t know your husband so I’m talking in general terms here. She works nights and has some other health issues along with depression. We separated and are back together in the same house now, but she decided she wants to stay separated (sleeping in different bedrooms, etc). The recurrent episodes of low oxygen cause an increased release of stress hormones. But she was sleeping all the time she wasn’t at work or going out with friends. It makes no sense. So I’m in a similar situation. So what exactly do you do that's so great? She finally got help, went on Wellbutrin and within a month things were much better. We were separated, but got back together but its a night mare. Menu Nope, sleeping in the same bed with someone else is often an exercise in patience—and compromise. A typical day for us: Get up at 7:30. What aggravates me most is that sometimes he will come up to bed in the morning only to try to "get together." People who have dementia caused by Lewy body disease, such as Parkinsons’ disease (PD) or dementia with Lewy bodies (DLB) are often sleepy by day but have very restless and disturbed nights. For three days he won't get up for nothing. He'll sleep all Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. This is difficult and it's best to let him do his own thing that day without bothering him. If your husband drives for work it is really important he gets this checked out. Learn more about Reddit’s use of cookies. See, the last time most moms took a nap was about three nevers ago. I’m not saying drop everything and focus only on him- but you both vowed to take care of one another so at least try...it takes baby steps. He had bleeding varices. Changes to time zone – such as jet lag can affect the internal biological clock, which regulates sleep. Don’t give up yet, exhaust all options first.You two decided to be together again for a reason. I am very different. This, combined with chronic tiredness, can suggest a condition called obstructive sleep apnoea (OSA). Assess Bedroom Sleep Logistics. Sign Up. Risks that increase the chance of OSA include obesity, smoking, drinking alcohol in the evening, taking sedative medication, sleeping on your back and having enlarged tonsils or a receding jaw. I'm sorry about that. We have no intimacy. I don’t think my wife is all the out the door. Even when the husband is depressed, you still find a way to make it about you, instead of being for him. He is not operating on all cylinders. Wives hold a particular level of disdain for napping husbands. Personally I’d rule out anything medical physically and if there’s nothing I’d suggest seeking help from psychiatrist. My wife was the same when she had post partum depression and her family has a history of depression. That's just the kind of man he is. This is a problem. She does have depression, has meds, but wants to focus on work and having fun with friends instead of our family. He sleeps a couple hours, I'm working on the computer. He also prefers "alone time." When a person … We found out my husband has cirrhosis 7 years ago when he suddenly was throwing up blood. When he gets home from work, he watches cop shows and plays video games. At the end of the day, if one partner wants out, there’s nothing that can be done. You may need to threaten to leave to help him realize the extent of his condition. My husband is the police chief. Now you have not specified age, weight, or height. If your late night TV or texting habits are getting in … My husband has sex with me whether I want it or not, all of the time. I tried to talk with her a few times about it and she would blow me off. Sleep is so important to our daily lives and how we function that if we mess it up then we suffer. But i am reading everyones comments and i think the counseling is the best choice. I tried to go to a womens shelter once and they turned me away because of who my husband is. And if my suspicions are correct I suspect that your dentist will refer the sleep clinic and have it diagnosed right away and will prescribe your husband a CPAP. The results can be life-transforming. Crosshalls 9 years ago A place for sharing the for-better and for-worse of marriage. I don't know what to do. The person then settles back to sleep and the cycle starts again. Nagging asshole who cant help, shit Id probably be depressed as well... Best part is, you think you can do better, because youre absolutely perfect, you have no faults. Now with her husband for 11 years, Adams says more people sleep apart than we realize. Should he see a doctor or is his lifestyle the problem? Yes he is depressed and if you don’t do anything about it right now it will break you one day and you will leave him. 10 underlying factors your partner, wife or husband is lying all the time Assuming your spouse is not a pathological liar, here’s why your spouse might be lying to you so much: Your spouse has suffered a childhood trauma – parents or carers may have been strict – at least in the eyes of the child. I really don't see how this comment is helpful at all. I hate my marriage. It would be in your best interest to move back home and just let him do whatever he wants, because he's just going to do exactly what he wants to do, anyway. I know she cares about the kids and that factors in on this. I don't understand how this is possible as he sleeps all night; in fact his snoring is keeping me awake. I appreciate everyone's comments. They can suffer from confusion, nightmares and hallucinations. I’m also going to speak some truths which might not be true for your marriage . This blocks off the air passages causing breathing to stop or episodes of very shallow breathing. This clock responds to light. I regret everything now and can only dream of a time machine. I strongly recommend you get him to see a sleep specialist.. this could be severe sleep deprivation due to hypopnea or obstructive sleep apnea.. or as the other poster mentioned narcolepsy. Once a diagnosis is made, the most common treatment is CPAP (Continuous Positive Airway Pressure). It has tainted our marriage and our sex life to the point of disgust. Because right now he is drained of sleep and he may be having up to 30 interruptions an hour or more. You are. I must be the worst company in the world. We use cookies on our websites for a number of purposes, including analytics and performance, functionality and advertising. He won't work at our relationship at all. A husband who shows no interest and who sleeps for three days at a time. Pretty much have that under control now. Certainly stimulation can help. She would either stay at work longer or isolated herself at home to avoid interacting with me or our baby daughter. I know the toll it is taking on you and many times people don't understand how badly it affects the SO. littlemart 11/03/2015. Sits down to watch tv is a asleep in no time he's frustrated and so am I . Logistics may also play a part in you or your partner’s sleeping … If one person is so selfish that “me time” is more important than protecting and taking care of the family, than that’s shitty, but there’s nothing that can be done about it. Enter email address This makes me feel used. Depression is insidious so the person does not realize they are down to such an extreme. This involves wearing a special mask at night that is connected to a machine emitting air. Check BP when he is feeling so tired as it could be fairly low. I am not perfect in any way. Get him to a therapist about his life and dreams now. Press J to jump to the feed. And all the while she doesn’t even know if she wants to actually make things work with me. I hate my life. Has he had weight gain? I'm supposed to go out with friends in a few hours. If your husband is drinking lots of caffeine this may make him more prone to dehydration as it works to remove fluid from the body. And update his status if possible I would be interested in hearing about his outcome. So, you may have this idealistic notion of what being married is all … Hubby can fall asleep anytime- anywhere. So, in answer to your question a combination of lifestyle change and medical help will hopefully improve his energy and also reduce his risk of further complications down the road. Dude, it’s 9:00 a.m. You’ve been awake for … The brain responds by increasing the effort to breathe usually causing the gasping, grunting or waking that I mentioned. I tried. We all a low point in our lives and depression can be terrible on family or loved ones but he needs you the most right now. Being inconsiderate of your spouse's schedule. When sleep patterns diverge, it's harder to keep a connection. I really want us to work but how can we if its all one sided. On his days off, all he does is sleep. Why Dementia Patients Sleep so Much Many seniors with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia experience a wide array of sleep problems, especially in the later stages of the disease. My husband sleeps all the time. I tried to seek out help for him but he won't get up for it. I ask this because they can give a referral for a sleep clinic so he can be treated for (OSA) Obstructive Sleep Apnea. Dr Mike Ryan: 'We're expecting the virus to slow down and we're pushing the accelerators', Dad captures hearts with videos of him singing to dying son, 'I got lots of stuff for the kids' - Early morning queues as Penneys reopens appointment shopping, ARCHIVE: The look on his face... 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Dear Husband: Not everyone requires the same amount of sleep to function. He has a lot of problems and its a lot on me. Because sleeping that long is not normal and it sounds like he is putting himself in a pre-diabetic state. Good luck OP. If actions don't follow those words, it means absolutely nothing. He won't work at our relationship at all. I've often rather bitterly joked that ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hypoactivity Disorder. Not quality time, but the kids really appreciate it. He sleeps all the time! Many people who suffer from OSA are unaware that they are not sleeping well. I am 64, he is 70, and we have two sons. He still has fluid in his feet, ankles and belly. If ONLY ONE person wants to make a relationship work, it will go absolutely nowhere. It is always worth going along to your doctor for a check-up if you have tiredness going on more than two weeks with no obvious cause. #1. He goes to a men's event at his church, I go shopping. You mention that your husband snores and you also mention he is overweight. For both of you. Just got home from work. That way his other two days off he can be awake all day and schedule time in for you and your son. I have a feeling he is suffering from some serious sleep apnea issues and he needs medical assessment in this area. He gets up for work. (In addition to some other speculative issues) again I can only speculate based on your very brief write up here. Listen to me, I was your husband and have the experience of being left without having been communicated thoroughly to. He's 35 years old. Partners are supposed to have each other’s backs, even when it doesn’t … Was there a set time that you remember when this started or was it gradual? I find that I am really tired from about 4pm until 9pm. Those with severe OSA may fall asleep during daily activities such as driving or operating machinery; the risk of car crash is increased by 7pc to 12pc, so you are right to be concerned. It is a common problem in men and women of all ages. It’s exhausting. Feeling tired all the time is something we see very often in general practice. Which will change/save his life. In my opinion this is bringing on the depression, I don’t think he can help it. 🙁 My heart hurts for you all. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Most partners are aware of this as a gap in the snoring followed by maybe snorting or a vague gagging sound. We only have one car, so I pick him up. Husband is asleep in the living room. I am just going to continue to love him and be there for him. He does has two fake teeth due to losing them in a car accident. What worked is after 2 months I threatened her with divorce and told her I would be taking care of our daughter. Sleep talking is commonly seen in the context of … My husband gets up early , has breakfast about 8 AM then back to sleep . It is ruinously difficult to seek help when you are deeply depressed. It is essential to lose weight, avoid alcohol for four to six hours before bed, avoid sedatives, sleep on your side and stop smoking. In what specific way do you feel like youve made an attempt to help him? His first day off when he gets home for work, he only sleeps three hours then he stays awake all day. If your husband is drinking lots of caffeine this may make him more prone to dehydration as it works to remove fluid from the body. My husband sleeps all the time. He or she will normally perform a general examination and arrange for some basic blood tests. I'm outgoing, social, i want love and affection but don't get it. All you can do is be the best person you can be. Shift-work sleep disorder: Poor sleep is caused by working at night and sleeping during the day, which can lead to increased accidents and possibly a heightened risk of some forms of cancer. We don't even have sex and I want it so bad but he doesn't. He sleeps and work. My ex use to nag at me all the time because I wasn't tired when he was. For a long time I ignored my husband’s attacks and thought that it would pass. Don’t tolerate. Never mind the bruises I was sporting. Why Does My Husband Want to Sleep With Another Woman? That’s why he is sleeping right now through your weekends. If you truly want to save your marriage, lend your husband your support and make an appointment for him with a psychiatrist to seek treatment for his depression. This field is required When we sleep, the muscles in our throat become more floppy. Some times he will stay up through the next day. My husband sleeps with my youngest son 5 while I sleep with my middle son who is nearly 9. I'm thinking to myself today, why am I still in this? He blames depression but doesn't put any effort to get help. Lifestyle modification also plays a very important role. You only think about yourself don’t you? Other causes … On his days off, all he does is sleep. Maybe I'm being a moaning mini, but my husband falls asleep every evening while we watch TV and its starting to drive me insane. The type of dementia you have can affect your sleep. She’s never on your side. So when I catch my husband snoozing away while chaos unfolds in my house, I have a few thoughts. I can read a book and he will still have sex with me. Some times I do go to sleep at a "regular" time, but not often. We were separated, but got back together but its a night mare. If you’re one of the 70% of U.S. adults who share your sleeping space with a significant other, you know that bedtime isn’t all cuddles and kisses. Please don't say "nag" because it's apparent that you do that already. But either way it sounds too early for him to be acting this way. Sleep deprivation, alcohol and drugs, fever, stress, anxiety, and depression can all lead to episodes. I mean there are many factors to consider here, which the clinic will take you through. My husband on suboxone , cough medicine, has hep c but currently taking the med to cure it, and he sleeps. I get the kids ready for the day and get them ready for bed at night. Your husband is probably severely depressed. My husband and I have been married for 46 years, mostly very happily. I love to do stuff but he doesn't. Wake him or just go by myself??? I know you may not want to be that person, but sit him down and let him know exactly how you are feeling about him and your relationship if things don’t change. Just very hurtful. Sections. I have flaws like everyone else but he does have depression. If you leave him, youd probably be doing him a favour. It takes very little to irritate him and when I try to pick up his mood by acting cheerful, he get’s upset like my attitude is some kind of affront to him. Please see a dentist/physician this week if possible. Anyways, I do highly recommend counseling. Working on that. We had been planning this transition for the past 3 yrs. It's not too late- if you're already doing everything by yourself you really have nothing to lose by leaving but your marriage. Your emotional capacity for understanding is non existent. In people over the age of 50 especially, doctors will also ask about chest pain, breathing problems or cough and any bowel problems as issues here can also cause tiredness. My 18 yr old son is the same. Now that she’s making an effort to spend time with the kids, she will sit with them for a bit, maybe snuggle on the couch or in her bed. I hate my marriage. I am sorry you two are going through a troublesome time and perhaps this will sound strange to read but... when was the last time that your husband was at the dentist ? Sleep apnea causes daytime sleepiness even after what appears to be a great night sleep. Sometimes, when a husband ignores the wife, the problem may just lie with himself. That is where couples get close, and most couples I know sleep together. This can put a strain on the heart leading to an increased risk of high blood pressure, stroke, and heart attack. She is making some positive changes and making an effort to spend more time with kids, but it ends up just being sitting on the couch with them watching tv shows. Some folks may be fine with five hours, but others need eight, nine or … Married couples if they both work don't ever seem to be on the same schedule and this can impact their sleep. He is a bit overweight and his diet isn't great. And no he hasn't gained any weight. It could be diabetes like 1DrafterChick says, but it could be a zillion other things as well. Effective treatments for circadian rhythm disorders include light therapy, melatonin, sedatives or stimulant medications, and behavioral changes that improve your sleep habits. I know how difficult it is to get help when married to a narcissist of “status”. About three-and-half years into a relationship, couples also tend to stop going to bed at the same time.. He sleeps and work. I hope she will start caring for our relationship as well. You said that you feel single. Today's news headlines, directly to your inbox every morning and evening. I do everything by myself, manage the bills, work overtime to help with the bills, cleans the house, do the dishes, take care of our cat while he does nothing. In most people this is not a problem, however, in those with OSA the muscles are so floppy that they cause the airway to narrow or collapse completely. One of the most common causes of fatigue is dehydration. Whichever way it goes, I learned some valuable lessons in counseling. He'll sleep all Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Takes two to be in a marriage and he's not there with you. She can be supportive but if he doesn't want to change all she's going to do is drive herself crazy. He tries to stay awake by drinking lots of caffeine during the day, but it doesn't really help. I'm worried he might be in an accident as he has to drive for work. What could casuse that ?Why does my husband fall asleep every time he sits down ? Instead of helping him. A partner’s buzzsaw-like snoring or restless legs can keep you awake for hours. Depression will always be a part of his life. He falls asleep in front of the TV and seems to get tired when he's driving also. Its been like this since we got back together but its to late to leave him because i moved to another state away from my family. Nothing is changing. Other causes of tiredness include anaemia, low iron or vitamins, and underactive thyroid. I feel like I'm single. The anxiety was terrible. And his ammonia level is 55 so he is forgetful and confused. I am leaning more toward the hypopnea or sleep apnea.. 1) because they are more common.. 2) because these sleeping events happen when he gets still. I have tried to tell him that he should come up to bed. I literally do all the cleaning and cooking. When we first got together he didn't need much sleep at all and I would go to bed around 11pm and he would stay up until 1-2am. So that combination is having a detrimental effect to his overall health and well-being. Not sure it is the meds or the PD as he was doing this well before he was diagnosed and started on meds. And nothing puts you in a rage at 3 A.M. quite like having your half of … Tbh, if he needs to sleep that much he'll be lucky to continue to hold a job. Thanks. I feel it’s me against 3 and I am needing attention elsewhere. He makes countless promises he'll change but doesn't. The air doesn't flow as freely into the lungs leading to a fall in oxygen levels in the blood. we used to 'snuggle' and fall asleep right away and usually sleep through the night holding on to each other in some fashion. Even when I would cry, he would still have sex with me. As this is a trust issue, it is best that you bring it up in a tactful manner when you have evidence to prove that he is having an affair. As the brain deteriorates, issues arise with circadian rhythms and temporal awareness, making it difficult for dementia patients to sleep through the night and keep a normal schedule. I’m met with resistance and excuses by my husband. He may very well be depressed, but if he's not even trying to talk about how to improve it, you're never going to get what you want from him. My husband is incredibly negative all the time. Our neuro says daytime drowsiness and fatigue is from the PD. Your husband should see a doctor, and it is likely he will be referred for a sleep study. BP medicine can cause lassitude and fatigue sometimes to a debilitating point. My husband (he's 55) is exhausted all the time. It's really important to ensure you are drinking at least 1.5 litres of fluid daily to counteract this. You don't say how old he is and how long this has been going on, but if he really is sleeping 14+ hours three days in a row, I have to think something is physically wrong with him, and he needs to go to a doctor if he hasn't already. Not everyone can handle someone who has it. And I hope that you have access to supports that will allow you to access this type of testing as soon as possible. husband gets hot as soon as he hits the bed i have been with my husband for 6 years. When did he start acting like this? For three days he won't get up for nothing. 1. Thats it. Either way, medically he needs treatment (Again speculation). New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. It seems that couples more and more are sleeping in separate beds to ensure they get a great sleep. My husband falls asleep on the couch every night. I enjoy his company: he is charming, intelligent and considerate. Yeah this is depression really get him some help depression is serious problem. Sleep disorders – such as sleep apnoea, restless legs syndrome, sleep walking, narcolepsy, idiopathic hypersomnia and insomnia may all cause sleep disruption or fragmented sleep. He may be hesitant about therapy at first but if you find the right therapist he will learn to really enjoy it. Good luck. When he gets up he wants to "go somewhere". This clock responds to light. My husband used to do this. Is anyone going though the same thing?